My Heaven Is You
by LockedOnCas
Summary: The angels want Cas to be their leader and Dean doesn't want to see him go, especially since he and Sam still aren't getting along. Rated mainly for some language.


The music pounded away on Dean's headphones, his eyes had closed some three or four songs ago and he didn't have the motivation to open them anytime soon. All of a sudden the air shifted, and Dean's eyes shot open automatically, headphones slipping off.

"Hello, Dean."

"Cas…" Dean cleared his throat, his voice was weirdly low. "Been a while."

Metatron was killed more than a month ago, Gadreel following right after. It should've made Dean's life easier, it should've put he and Sammy's relationship on the right path, but they were still avoiding each other.

"Yes," Cas's low voice rumbled through the room, "Heaven has been…hectic. It took longer than I anticipated to find my grace, Metatron had it hidden very well."

"So you got your wings back, huh?" Stupid question really, the angel had just popped into his room.

"Yes." There was that slight smile and light in his eyes that Dean always craved to see. "I actually came to talk to you about something of great import." The light was gone and the smile faded.

Dean sat up on the edge of his bed, already steeling himself for another shit job from Heaven. "What do you need, man?"

"I…do not _need _anything Dean… I only wanted to tell you this time."

Dean's brow furrowed, "Tell me what?"

"The angels have asked for my guidance."

"Oh," Dean put on that confused smile he sometimes got with Cas, "that's great? Right?"

"Guidance in Heaven, Dean. They want me to be their leader."

Heaven. Guidance IN Heaven. Not here. Not with him.

"Oh." It came out a bit softer than he wanted it to. "I mean," he forced his voice to be steady, "uh, congrats, man. That's great." Dean wasn't expecting Cas to leave him again. Not after he had just got him back. Dean mentally shook his head, he had no claim on Cas.

"I am…experiencing what I believe humans would call…apprehension." Cas said slowly.

"'Fraid of being the boss, huh?"

"I am afraid of being alone."

That stopped Dean, and before he could really think it through his mouth opened. "Me too."

Cas sat down beside Dean. "It is my fault they were cast out," he held up a hand to stop Dean's protest. "I have done many things wrong. I am not the best example of an angel, but they still want me. Many of them do not want to fight anymore, and with recent events our numbers are depleted. The angels…we…" he corrected as an afterthought, "need to rebuild ourselves and the system."

Dean lifted his mouth in a half-hearted smile. "Yeah, you'll be great at it."

They sat in silence for some minutes, neither really wanting to say what needed to be said.

"So, you really just wanted to say goodbye then?" He cursed his eyes for stinging.

Cas looked at Dean, sadness apparent in his electric gaze. "When I left and you went with Lisa, I never said it. And the leviations, and purgatory, and Metatron…" Cas looked back to the wall and tried to compose his thoughts. "You and I have been through much together."

Dean clenched his jaw at the familiar words.

"And we do share a profound bond," Cas continued, not looking at the man beside him.

Dean turned his head away, squeezing his eyes shut.

Cas looked at the floor, "I owe you everything, Dean. You have taught me more in our few years together than I have ever learned in my existence."

"Yeah, Cas," his words were broken, "You uh… yeah, same here."

Cas finally looked at him, a smile and sad eyes on his face. "I hope that the Heaven I have in mind holds up to your high standards."

A hallow laugh came from beside the angel, "I don't think I'll ever be able to let you know."

Without hesitation Cas laid a gentle hand on his forearm. "My friend," he spoke softly, "you have earned your place in Heaven ten times over."

"You think?"

"Dean," his voice held a hint of irritation, "I know."

"Cas, can… can people in Heaven, can they see what's going on down here? Can they hear if people try and talk to them?"

Cas squinted his eyes, "Not many choose to trouble themselves with Earth once they are beyond it. Many form their Heavens with happy memories. It is not unheard of, though."

"My mom," Dean's voice broke, "and my dad, if he's up there. Can they see?"

"Mary and John are special. They choose to look after you and Sam."

"So they know." Dean didn't specify what they knew, there were a lot of his screw-ups to choose from.

"Yes." Cas didn't specify which of Dean's many achievements he was thinking of.

"Can you give 'em a message for me? When you go back upstairs?"

"Of course."

"Tell 'em I'm sorry. For not protecting Sammy, for lying to him, for failing…tell mom I love her." A tear did make its way down Dean's face then.

"Dean, she knows. And they do not blame you, nobody does."

"Sam does."

"You and Sam have many things to work out, but you will solve your problems. There is too much between you."

"I think that's the problem."

Cas had no response to that.

"I'm not gonna see you again, am I?" Dean asked.

"If you ever need me, pray. I will always come when you call."

"Right." His tone told Cas that he not only did he not believe him, but he had no intention of calling.

"Please, Dean. Call me, I will miss you dearly."

"Yeah, sure Cas," his voice was a bit more welcoming, but not what Cas was wanting.

"I do not want to leave with negative feelings between us, Dean."

Dean sucked in a breath, "Honestly, Cas, you're the only one right now that I don't feel shitty around."

"Thank you, Dean."

His innocent remark made the man laugh. He'd miss that.

Dean stared at Cas, trying to figure out what to say. Yeah, he could admit to himself that there were A LOT of things that he needed to say. Hell, there were a lot of things he needed to DO. None of that came out though.

"I should be going," Cas said.

"Right. Good luck, man." He stood up with Cas and they both stared at one another. "Fuck it," Dean mumbled and pulled Cas's face toward his. It wasn't the kiss Dean or Cas had always dreamed of. It was a goodbye, but it did hold a promise.

"No matter what, when you reach Heaven, I will be the first one there to welcome you with open arms." Cas whispered when they pulled apart, his hands clenching Dean's wrists.

"I'm good with that," Dean whispered back, pressing his forehead to Cas's for a moment more. "Whip Heaven's ass into shape for me," he said a bit louder as he stepped away.

"Of course Dean. I _will_ see you later." And with that there was a flutter and rustle that Dean knew he'd miss more than he should.

Weeks passed before Sam finally started asking questions. He was sitting at the table, coffee to the side of a book. Dean was making his own cup and contemplating actually eating something.

"Haven't heard from Cas in a while," Sam said, looking at the other man.

Dean's cup clattered on the counter and his hands tightened into fists. "Yeah." Dean swallowed, "He's gone."

"What?" Sam's voice rose a bit.

"Heaven. The angels, they uh… they voted him president," he forced a smile.

Sam let that sink in and stared at his brother. They still weren't talking, and he hadn't forgiven him, but this was _Cas_. This was _Dean and Cas_. "You okay?"

Dean sat down across the table and pulled out the newspaper. With a leveled look his asked, "Why wouldn't I be?"

Sam took a deep breath, knowing that in the best of situations what he was about to say would cause a screaming match, and this definitely wasn't the best of situations. "Look, Dean-"

"Don't start Sam."

"No, Dean, I'm going to say this. You and Cas have been whatever for years. He's your _best friend_ and probably more." Dean opened his mouth, but Sam kept going. "I know you're not fine. You haven't been eating, haven't been sleeping by the looks of you, and you don't even want to hunt! So no, you're not doing okay."

Dean stood and placed his hand on the desk. "I lost my brother. I screwed up and lost the only family I had. Then to top it off I lost the only other person I loved, so you're right, I'm not okay. But this-" he gestured between them, "Last I checked, was just a business arrangement. And I don't have chick flick moments with business partners." With that he marched back to the hall and into his room.

Sam stared at the hall, trying to figure out how the tables were turned. He closed his book and picked up the two coffee cups to wash. It was about time he and Dean got their shit together, but Sam didn't know how and he didn't know if he was even ready to start.

After that they started hunting regularly again. Sam had the suspicion that Dean was trying to prove he wasn't any different, but it just proved the opposite. Dean was more cold and calculated and he had that look that Sam hadn't seen since he returned from Purgatory.

There were no bars, no random women, there wasn't much really. Even the music in the Impala was softer. It had been more than a year without Cas, and Dean wasn't improving.

"Have you tried praying to Cas?" Sam asked one night in their cheap motel.

"I'm not praying to him, Sam. Dude's busy, he doesn't want to hear from me."

"Dean, it's been-"

"I know how long it's been, Sam!"

Things hadn't improved between them either.

"He'd probably come down for you."

"No, Sam. Drop it."

Sam dropped it.

Wendigos. It's always the fucking wendigos. One minute, it's all fine. A simple hunt, no big deal. The next minute they're in a cave trying to untie three people before the thing gets back. Of course they couldn't just cut the ropes, slip the people out, and kill the monster quietly. Their lives are never that simple.

Sam was cutting the restraints and Dean was looking out for it. He had just sliced through the last rope and the three were on their way out when they heard scraping. Dean motioned Sam to continue and went down the corridor.

Sam tried to get him to come back, but Dean was already gone. Now slightly frantic Sam showed the others the way out and doubled back to get his brother. He was rounding the corner when he heard the scream and his feet picked up the pace only to stop at what he saw.

Dean was in the air, the wendigo's claws in him. His clothes were already torn, his head was bleeding and his leg looked more than mangled. Sam ran to the torch that Dean had dropped trying to light it quick before the thing figured out he was there.

He bolted upright when he heard the thud. Dean was on the ground, his eyes staring to glaze, breath coming out uneven, but he was still alive. Sam lit the torch and went burn the son of a bitch with its hand came around his neck and pressed him to the wall. The torch dropped.

Sam struggled and it tilted its held. Its mouth opened, ready to feast, when Sam heard the best two words of his life.

"Hey, assbutt!"

Its head swiveled, and there barely standing, was Dean with the torch. He threw it and the wendigo dropped Sam, bursting into flames.

Same gulped in air trying to focus his eyes. That's when he saw Dean, a lump on the ground.

"Dean!"

"Sammy?" It was so soft Sam could barely hear it.

"Dean, I'm here."

"Sammy, I-I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't have…"

"I shouldn't have pushed you away. You're my brother."

"Apple pie life, Sammy." Dean forced a smile onto his face despite the pain.

"No, no, don't make me promise that. You know I don't want that anymore."

Dean closed his eyes for a second, "Okay, just.." there was a hiss of pain, "just be happy okay?"

Sam smiled, "I thought we agreed on no chick flick moments."

A real smile made its way to Dean's face, "Bitch."

"Jerk."

"When I said I would be waiting, I didn't mean for you to come and see me so soon."

"Cas?!" Dean grabbed the angel around the waist. "I missed you."

Cas's arms went around his shoulders, "I missed you, too."

Dean stepped back and looked around. They were on the side of a road, the Impala right behind them. "So, this is your new Heaven, huh?"

Cas smiled, "Yes. I did not alter Heaven itself, much. Most of my work was centered with the angels. However, I gave the souls here the option to visit other's Heavens. Like your friend Ash showed you on your last visit."

"Oh, that's cool. So, um, am I…"

"That remains to be seen. Do you wish to stay here?"

Sam was still down there, and they had finally worked things out. But Cas was here. And maybe leaving on a good note with Sam was okay for once.

Dean grabbed Cas's hand. "Depends. You gonna be here?"

"If you want me."

Dean leaned forward and captured his lips, "Been wanting that for a while now."

"Good."

They got into the Impala, Dean cranked Zeppelin through the speakers, and grabbed Cas's hand. Yeah, Heaven was a lot better this time around.


End file.
